To keep the bad things out...

Madelyn experiences new firsts everyday.

First time to see a new color

First time to hear a specific sound

First time feel a certain texture

There is something that wells up inside me every time I notice the moment she experiences a first. I want to control it. I want to be sure that she experiences things in the right order. At the right time. Because for some reason I think I know best. I think I can protect her from the darkness by controlling her exposure to the light. 

One new game we play is called "daddy DJ" and it goes like this... I place her near me and press play on good quality music. We both listen. It's a simple concept but I love the idea that I'm controlling what's going into her ears. She's heard "Kind of Blue" with Miles Davis and his boys in it's entirety. She's also heard Radiohead, Coldplay and Johnny Cash. I'm confident by the time she is a year old, she will have heard more good music than most people hear in a lifetime. 

I know how prideful this all sounds. But the most prideful moment for me will be when she recommends music to her dad. And he likes it. That will be a moment. 

I'll try this for a while. I'll position her to hear and see and smell and feel only the things that seem safest for her. But at some point, I'll miss the mark. I'll not lock up the hatch that keeps the bad things out and she will begin to see more clearly. 

Recently Ellen and I ate at a local restaurant and a waitress passed by and after looking at Maddy said...

"she doesn't know... it's such a cruel, cruel world"     

She is probably right. There will be a moment when Madelyn just accepts the fact that for every good thing she sees happen, two more bad things will follow. She will begin to notice that her dad isn't as perfect as she once thought. That won't be an easy day for either one of us, but it will be the beginning of her understanding more deeply the importance of depending on her heavenly father. 

So when we find ourselves face to face with the cruel cruel world... when we see the unlocked hatch and are reminded that things aren't quite as perfect as we once thought, let's lean on the unconditional love of a heavenly father and find ourselves not only more aware of the darkness, but face to face with light.

Comments

["this guy"]

mmmmm brother. well said.

[Bryan]

This post makes me thankful for people who share beautiful music, words, and ideas with others. Jordan, thanks for being one of those people.